This was originally written for a zine I was doing with a friend, but that is currently postponed due to work commitments on her part, and Uni on mine. So I decided since this is quite a time sensitive piece, I’d post it here instead.
Nuclear winter is a hypothesized scenario where the worlds atmosphere, after being involved in a nuclear fucktruck of back and forth, becomes so saturated with the ashes of your dead family and friends that it literally blocks out the sun. This particular apocalyptic scientific scenario, ends with us entering an early ice age. Except in this reality, there’s more chance of you being eaten alive by a mutant carp, than cute prehistoric animals carrying your kids to safety.
Judging from Russias track record of almost starting WW3 several times before (1955 Norway, USA 2013, etc) I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the catastrophic events leading to our life as we know it coming to an end, are nigh.
This doesn’t mean you have to cancel your highly anticipated family holiday though! I’ve gone to the trouble of researching the top spots you can take your family to in relative safety. Assuming you aren’t all dead, and none of these locations receive a direct hit from the 16,700 plus combined U.S/Russian nuclear arsenal.
So lets take a look at where you can go to escape the banality of knife fighting your neighbours for sealed cans of beans, and vegemite jar scrapings.
Primarily a hunting/fishing village off the Eastern tip of Greenland, this antiquated, and isolated, destination has barely 500 residents. Not dependant on fossil fuels for food, and with dog sledding as its primary form of transport, Ittoqqortoormitt is perfect for those who feel a little outdoorsy action would break up the monotony of everyday scavenger life.
TRAVEL TIP: Make sure you check out the archeological sites of this treasure trove of Inuit culture. Who knows, you may learn how to make use of all those corpses in the streets, and upsell them into some trendy post-apoc fashion.
Tristan de Cunha, Somewhere In The Atlantic Ocean
A tiny set of islands, first discovered by the Portuguese in 1506, this idealistic archipelago is an absolute must for those looking for a laid back escape. Part of the British Commonwealth, it boasts a humble 264+ residents, making it the most isolated inhabited archipelago in the world.
TRAVEL TIPS: Keep an eye out for the remains of Britains WWII secret navy bases and make sure to plan around the highly volatile cyclone season. If you’re still alive, also check out the total lunar eclipse that will pass over in 2048.
Puncak Jaya, Indonesia
Ah, the quintessential Bali holiday you may think, but alas, no. These inhospitable mountain ranges, although part of the beautiful and welcoming Indonesian archipelago, are anything but the free alcohol and rampant bouts of salmonella poisoning you are used to. Though it’s not all bad news. Home to the largest gold mine in the world and the third largest copper mine, if you play it cool, you could end up on the other side of this clusterfuck a hell of a lot richer than you started out.
TRAVEL TIP: Although canary’s may be hard to find in your current climate, children under the age of 4 are also good indicators of carbon monoxide levels and dangerous toxic gas leaks.
Perth, Western Australia
We all knew it would end up here. Despite being the bane of most Australians existence, excluding the unmentionable that is Tasmania, this untouched treasure trove may be the only place you city loving holiday travelers can go. The most isolated capital in the world, with heavy reserves of oil, gas, uranium and an smorgasbord of food industry giants, Perth is the new New York of the post apocalyptic wasteland that is your life.
TRAVEL TIP: Being incredibly out of touch with everything, this thriving metropolis will most likely still be running as per usual, even after the fall of its Western and Eastern giant counterparts. Over run with mad tradies and naive trapped tourists, there’s a reason Mad Max and Tank Girl were set in WA.